TOUGH JOURNAL ENTRY TUESDAY 8/9/16

beach hawaiian_night_mGetting ready to write a chapter that is going to once again kick my rear. I am crying so friggin’ hard. This chapter is going to bring me to my knees, have rivulets coming down like a monsoon to the point my sinuses will be asking me to ease up and peel even more layers. Good gravy! I am a human being not an onion!

“Diane, you have to get it out.” “Diane, this is going to be so therapeutic.” “It will be so cathartic, Diane.” Cathartic? What is so cathartic about every fiber of your being snapping like a live wire on the asphalt? Cathartic? I want to SMASH every effing thing in here to bits. I want to SCREAM!!! EFFING SCREAM! This effing pain is so effing EXCRUCIATING. WHY CAN’T I CRAWL INTO A DITCH? Oh, I know, why I can’t – because I am a TOUGH WOMAN. Who decided to infuse me with TOUGH genes? Oh, I know – God. He created me; I guess He believes I can handle it. I am not so sure this time. This anguish is grinding me to bits. GRINDING ME UNTIL I AM NOTHING BUT ASH. I guess this is where my ashes turn to beauty, huh? Is it possible this wretched angst could take me out? Yep, anything is possible. Yet, God would not have brought me to this place if He didn’t think I could handle it. I pray He is right. I hope there wasn’t any mix-up. Just my luck some satellites caused miscommunication between heaven and earth. Good gravy! I just have to endure all this friggin’ grief first so I can grow in the sunlight.

What in blazes was I thinking? Why didn’t I just write the cozy first? The Old Sea Harbor Series? Stranded? Oh, I know why I couldn’t – I had to get this out first. Pfft!

Note to self: GET IT ALL OUT NOW, COOKIE CAKE, SO YOU DON’T REVISIT THE VILLAGE OF AGONY AGAIN!

Reply to self: WORD!

And the good thing about all of this angst? I am almost finished.

 

ADMSM

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